The cape I wear…

As a 1st Grade Public School Teacher I have learned that I wear more hats and play more roles during the day than just that of a school teacher. On an average day I not only fulfill my duties of being an educator, but I am also a nurse, a counselor, a mom, a judge, a lawyer, a princess, a president, a super hero, and many more. I am not each one of those to just one child, but I am every single one of those to at least 20 children. You see in my classroom, in the eyes of my sweet students I am the one that can do all. I can fix everything. I am the one who wears the cape and the invisible crown. To my children, I walk on gold. I don’t say that arrogantly. (Trust me, my kids keep me humbled.)  Every student looks at their their teacher that way. It doesn’t matter how many times we have fussed that day about staying in their seat, or using their reading strategies, or washing their hands, they still love you. Most days it leaves me bewildered. They still leave everyday with a smile, a hug, and a compliment for Miss Strickland. Even the one that left on red that day for their behavior, still tells me how much they love me.

A teacher has been something that I have always wanted to be. When I made the decision long ago, in my mind, that I was going to be a teacher, I didn’t realize what exactly I was signing up for, but Jesus did. After my first year teaching I knew for sure that I was not crafted to be a teacher. I was anointed to do it, but not skilled to do it. I knew that all the organization, scheduling, focusing, and planning was far beyond any of my capabilities. The only thing that I really knew that I had down pat as a teacher is my ability to love my students. My ability to love my kids fiercely as if they were really my own. Loving them is what I do. Every since my first year, Jesus has constantly been speaking to me about shepherding my sheep. Not just shepherding, but shepherding well. Jesus made it clear that despite all of the other demands, loving my children will come first. With the call from Jesus to shepherd my sheep well, and the perfect pedestal that my children had placed me on, I formed the mentality that I truly do where a cape and save the world ( the world in room 39). I thought that shepherding meant that I will attack any animal that comes after my flock and I will stay in a ready position to care for my flock at all times. What shepherding really is, is leaning into the true Shepherd and never forgetting that I am still a sheep in His field. Yes I am called to care for my sheep but not without the strength and provisions from MY SHEPHERD.

A little over a month ago I had my world shaken and I found out what my “cape” can really do. One of my worst fears had happened. I lost one of my precious students in a shooting. He was my child. MY child. One of my sheep. The moment I got the call I ran to my room to get changed to go to the hospital. Before I left, I got down on the carpet, flat on my face and prayed to God. I cried out to my Father, pleading for Him to save my baby. “God if not I know you are still good, but God please let it be your Will. Let this be a mighty testimony of you. God let my baby grow up and preach the gospel and proclaim your goodness. Let this be a testimony that Isiah is able to speak to bring others to know your goodness and love.” I sent those words straight up to heaven with everything I had in me.

I drove to the hospital and prayed. I then shifted from a ball of tears to the rage of a mother who has seen another animal attack her young. My only concern was getting to my child. I went all over that hospital looking for the one room that had my child. As a nurse was walking my through the halls, I got the call that he didn’t make it. When I finally got to his family he was already gone and they were allowing family members to go in the room and kiss him goodbye. I walked in that room that night and saw his sweet big forehead and kissed him goodbye. I wept and I weep as I type those words.

The only time that I wear a cape is when I am Miss Strickland. In that moment, I was Miss Strickland, but I knew I wasn’t wearing a cape. Super Hero Miss Strickland who can always turn the frown to a smile, or can get out a Batman or Trolls Band- Aid and it immediately heals the wound, couldn’t fix this problem. I was powerless and I couldn’t take this hurt away. Not only could I not save Isiah but I couldn’t save the rest of my children that I had to tell what happened. I knew that I was going to have to look into the eyes of his best friend, who was already writing him letters and getting all of his stuffed animals prepared for when he was going to see him, and tell him that he passed away and went home to Jesus. I couldn’t fathom how I would even have the strength to stand or have the ability to get the words out of my mouth. Yet the strength came, and the words were there, but not because of Miss Strickland. God, of course, showed up on His white horse and saved the day. He gave an abundance of super natural peace and strength. True strength that never could come close to the strength I have of just being Miss Strickland.

Eric Church says that “every super man has his kryptonite…”. This is true. Every super man does, and every teacher does have their kryptonite because we aren’t Jesus. I am not invincible. I am a human with a heart and emotions. The only reason I had super natural peace and strength to talk to my kids the next day and the many days that followed is because of Jesus. The job I do requires Jesus. I needed the reminder that there is only but so far Miss Strickland can go and there is only but so much I can do. With Jesus there is no limit to what He can do.

A lot of times we think that we know exactly how the story should go. We like to believe that we know more than God does. We think that the only way to see God’s glory is in the saving. It is hard for us to believe that God’s glory can be in what we lost. I know that in my little mind I cannot comprehend the “why?” of all of this happening. I was never created to understand the “why?” I was created to worship my Father and to trust knowing that He is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do. God isn’t limited by our minds. I prayed that night before I got to the hospital that God’s will be done. I prayed that Isiah would make it and IF NOT God is still good.

I have been doing a Beth Moore Study on the book of Daniel for months now and I have read this story that I am about to share so many times but the “IF NOT…” now takes on a whole new meaning.  In the book of Daniel, KingNebuchadnezzar told every one to worship the golden image that he had set up and if not they would be thrown in the fiery furnace. Well, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did not bow down and worship the king. Here is their response “If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18

To put it simply, our God is Sovereign. He can do anything. With that power to do anything we have to trust Him even with our “but if not”. We have to trust that He works everything out for our good even if the outcome isn’t what WE had envisioned. In the Beth Moore Daniel study, Beth Moore said it like this “Three scenarios when we face trials:  Scenario A: We can be delivered from the fire. ( Our faith is built.) Scenario B: We can be delivered through the fire. ( Our faith is refined.) Scenario C: We can be delivered by the fire into His arms. (Our faith is perfected.)” No matter what the scenario is, we are always guaranteed that the 4th man will show up in the fire with us. ( That is a promise!)

“And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell bound into the burning fiery furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.” Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the burning fiery furnace; he declared, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here!” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the fire. And the satraps, the prefects, the governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together and saw that the fire had not had any power over the bodies of those men. The hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed, and no smell of fire had come upon them.” Daniel 3:23-27

No matter the outcome, I know the true cape, and power resides in my God. The promise that God reminded me of through all of this is that His Presence forever goes before me and fights for me. God always is for me, not against me. My God has always showed up on time, even if on time isn’t MY TIME. No matter how hot the flames get, I will come out on the other side wrapped in His glory because He came. Even with the story of Lazarus we see that Jesus received the news about Lazarus being sick and He stayed where He was two extra days. He STAYED.

“So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.””

Luke 11: 3-7

Jesus loved Lazarus. Jesus loved Martha and Mary. In our minds it is hard for us to wrap our thoughts around why Jesus didn’t immediately get to Lazarus when He got the news. Jesus answers the why immediately after He got the news. He said “No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” I can’t explain why terrible things happen except to say that this is a sin- dead world, hence the reason Jesus came to save us.  I can’t explain why it had to be my baby that was shot but what I can say with assurance is that I don’t have to know why I just have to know that the end is not death. In the end, God will get all the glory because I am certain that I will see God move on my behalf and every bit of my soul will sing of His glory!

“When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” Luke 11:32-36

Just like Mary, we all know our God is the God who saves, but when it isn’t what we had in mind we loose heart. We forget in the pain that our Jesus is still for us and that He sees us and that He weeps with us. Jesus is just as moved to tears as we are. His tears aren’t out of despair and hopelessness. They are tears of a Father that has a heart that is moved by His children. I know this not only because God’s Word says it, but because I have felt it. God has wept with me. In the moments where I wanted to believe that God didn’t come and He didn’t show up to heal my baby, God has wept with me and showed me just where He was in every moment. God weeps with me and He also weeps with you. We have these testimonies in God’s Word to sustain us when we are walking through a hard season. If Jesus would have showed up when Mary and Martha first sent word to Him then we wouldn’t have this testimony and promise of the abundance of Life after death. Immediate healing for Lazarus wasn’t the testimony Jesus knew that we would need. The testimony that we needed was the one that is written. Sometimes the easiest ending isn’t the best. It isn’t about us. It is about us being willing to let God move in our pain for others to see more of Him. 

Yes, all teachers and even mothers, and fathers have a cape in the eyes of our children, but the real power doesn’t come from a title or a cape. The same power that rose Jesus from the grave is the same power that resides in us. I am able to teach because my strength isn’t in my cape, it is and will always be in my God. God is my Savior and not only is He mine, but He is also Isiah’s. In Hebrew, the name Isiah means God is my Savior. God surely saved my baby, and just incase I ever had doubts, God made sure that the day Isiah was born he was given his heavenly name that would forever serve as a reminder that God was always and is always his Savior.

The Promise: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

My prayer for you : I pray that through these words you find healing. I pray you find strength in the surrender. Surrender to what is unseen. Trust Jesus with your heart, with your family, your kids, your sickness, your life, with everything. His Word is full of promises. Promises that are kept and confirmed by a covenant. God is faithful to do what He said He would do. Jesus has always proven Himself to be faithful.  I pray you read these words and you are reminded of the reckless love of Jesus. Jesus has never stopped pursuing your heart. He sees you and longs to carry your burdens and speak life to your dry bones. I pray Psalm 73:26 over you. I pray you come to the fullness of this truth. I pray that where your flesh and heart have failed, God picks you you up, strengthens your bones, renews your heart, and reminds you that He is your provision forever. He is who we can ALWAYS depend on.