For as long as I can remember I have always wanted a Golden Retriever. I think this dream of having a dog that was a golden retriever started at a young age when I watched the movie “Homeward Bound” over and over and over. Shadow, the golden retriever in the movie, was always so wise and regal and caring. He was such a loyal dog that was put on the earth solely to bring love to his owner, Peter. I thought that all golden retrievers would be just like Shadow. I thought they all were majestic and regal and calm. A little over a year ago, God granted me with the opportunity to get a golden retriever. It wasn’t the typical and ideal situtation to getting a dog, but it was the way I felt God was wanting me to go. You see, at that point in my life I was still living in an apartment and I lived a good 35 min from the school I teach at. In order to get a golden retriever right then I would have to let my dad take care of it until I could get a house with a back yard. This was going to work out great because my dad would be getting to do something for me that only he could do , which at that point we both desperately needed that in our relationship.
In order to understand how the Lord used a dog for His good and His glory I have to give you a glimpse at what my dad and I were walking in up to this point.
My dad had struggled for years with drinking. It had gotten worse after my granny had passed away. Daddy lived a life that has had me question for years if he would ever go to heaven. Daddy was hard headed. I can say that because I am to and any of you who knew him would say that straight to him. Daddy would only let so much in. I was his daughter and I only knew but so much. Daddy also had zero patience and thought he knew all. Granny and I would joke with daddy when he was sick and tell him that he should have been a doctor because he knew so much. See if daddy was sick with a cold or sore throat he would just say “oh it was the cold air that got it. I don’t need any medicine.” He clearly always had his PHD. I am sure we can all say that daddy had his way of doing things and wasn’t up for change. Obviously I got my stubbornness from him. We would but heads because honestly I was more like my daddy than I thought. With all of that I wondered how could he ever let Jesus the great physician, the healer, our redeemer, our rock, our salvation, be Lord of His life. How could daddy ever get to the point to know that he can’t actually do it all by himself? How would daddy ever be able to say that someone knows more than he does? These questions burdened my heart for years. Everyone knew the man who loved people and wore a smile everywhere he went. We all knew the man who would cut up, and joke, and laugh with the best of them. I got to see all of that to but I also saw a man that had an illness behind closed doors.
The devil held a tight grip on daddy. To me it is obvious why the enemy kept such a tight grip on daddy. Daddy had a great heart. In the Bible it always talks about the heart. King David in the bible was famous for being a man after God’s own heart. In Samuel 16:7 it says “People look at outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” God wants your heart because you can’t deny what is in it. God wanted daddy’s heart because He knew the moment daddy set himself aside and let God lead, oh the work that would be done for the Kingdom of God. Daddy chose for years to ignore his addiction. Even though alcohol stole who my dad was I could still see the genuine heart of Jesus in him. Despite arguments and pain that was brought on from my dad being taken over by alcohol I still saw the man that everyone loved. It was just a very broken man. it hurt me to watch my dad who loved people, and loved to call people just to see how they were doing. Daddy went to the quick stop every morning just to talk to the morning regulars or “the democrats” as he would call them. Through the years and through the quick stop morning trips or other random places my dad would go he made friends with people who just needed one friend. He always talked about a man he knew that had cancer and he would go pick him up and drive him places. After granny was released from the nursing home and even after granny passed away daddy would still go to the nursing home she stayed at just to talk to all of those residents. He sometimes would take some of the elderly women flowers during different holidays just to brighten their day. If daddy had cash in his pocket he would give it to me to get gas, even though I knew he needed it more than I did. The last time he gave me money he said “ I just wish I could do more.”
You see daddy always wanted to do more but in his physical body he couldn’t get past the lies of the enemy telling him he wasn’t enough. Daddy wanted to go to church to be with the Senior men’s Sunday school class. I would invite him and he would say yes and tell me what time he would meet me there and never come. Daddy would get so close to going and the enemy would again feed him the lie that “ how could church accept someone with this problem?”
With burden on my heart about my dad’s salvation I held myself responsible for Him coming to know the know the Lord. This meant that I would answer the phone when it was painful to hear my dad in a different mindset. As the drinking got worse it was harder for me to answer phone. Sometimes the conversations were nice and others not so nice. I was left feeling broken because all I wanted was for my dad to get better and to just be my dad again. I was having to act like the adult, when I was the child. I begin building up a wall against my dad because I was afraid of getting hurt. I didn’t know when the conversation would be normal or when he would be drinking. Every morning that I talked to my dad he would always end the conversation with ” I love you. Let me if there is something I can do for you.” In all honesty I was scared to depend on my dad to do something for me because I didn’t want to get hurt. My dad began to feel the wall that I had built up. He knew it was because of his drinking whether he would say it or not. I knew he was upset with himself about it but just didn’t know how to stop. At this point of peak brokeness in both of our lives God made the debut of a dog named America to the scene.
The day I saw that a women was selling golden retriever puppies near me I immediately called my dad. I asked daddy if I got a dog would he help me take care of it until I got a house. In a very natural Steve manner he said “Hell Yeah get the whole litter of them!” So with a yes from daddy I went and got a dog. Without question I knew exactly what his name would be. My sweet little blonde haired sleepy puppy would be America. (He quickly grew out of the sleepy phase) America, not knowing it yet was the start of a new season for my dad and I. America was never designed by Jesus to just be a normal dog that would just make me happy. America is far from normal. He is 85 pounds of pure love and energy. He goes 100mph and doesn’t slow down even when he wants attention. America was made to be a blessing and to be used for healing. My dad longed to do something for me. Anyone who knew my dad knew that Jake and I were his world. He lived for us. As Jake and I got older it was hard for daddy because he just wanted to be needed. Daddy needed a purpose for living now that granny had passed and he wasn’t taking care of her and Jake and I are grown now and moved away with jobs. Daddy also longed to be loved. America fit the perfect mold because that is all America wants to give and will do anything to give it!
America was my dad’s new purpose. It would have been much easier if we would have just bought my dad a dog for himself and called it a day but that was never God’s plan. It wasn’t just about daddy getting company it was about healing a relationship. With America being with my dad it made dad happier because he knew I trusted him with something that I cared about so much. I couldn’t have gotten a dog if it weren’t for daddy and daddy knew that. Daddy got the gift to do something meaningful for his daughter that no one else could do. I had to call daddy a lot to get him to take America to vet appointments and to the groomers. Daddy had to give him baths and go pick up food at Petsmart for him, that I had ordered. When I would go home daddy’s house would be the first place I would go because America would be there. We finally had common ground. In those moments of being home and spending time at daddy’s we grew closer. He would share random things with me that he either read in a book, the Bible, or saw a clipping in the newspaper about Jesus. Daddy knew I loved Jesus and he knew I wanted him to love Jesus. Because of America I got to see those random moments of Jesus making an imprint on daddy’s heart.
On December 24th 2016, God told me that this year would be a year of healing. He gave me these verses from Isaiah 57:14-21 (MSG version)
“A Message from the high and towering God,
who lives in Eternity,
whose name is Holy:
“I live in the high and holy places,
but also with the low-spirited, the spirit-crushed,
And what I do is put new spirit in them,
get them up and on their feet again.
For I’m not going to haul people into court endlessly,
I’m not going to be angry forever.
Otherwise, people would lose heart.
These souls I created would tire out and give up.
I was angry, good and angry, because of Israel’s sins.
I struck him hard and turned away in anger,
while he kept at his stubborn, willful ways.
When I looked again and saw what he was doing,
I decided to heal him, lead him, and comfort him,
creating a new language of praise for the mourners.
Peace to the far-off, peace to the near-at-hand,” says God—
“and yes, I will heal them.
But the wicked are storm-battered seas
that can’t quiet down.
The waves stir up garbage and mud.
There’s no peace,” God says, “for the wicked.”
Through years and years of praying for my dad 2017 was the year my dad got saved. My dad was the crushed in spirit but God put a new Spirit in Him. God had me write beside these verses in my bible “ The promise of God that daddy will come home to Jesus God has His eye on daddy and loves him.” Before 2017 I knew God wanted to do something that only He could do in mine and daddy’s heart. God began a work in my heart to release my dad into the arms of Jesus. Through Jesus and a dog-named America, my dad came to know the Lord this year. I don’t know when and I don’t know the specific place and time but it happened. I prayed for years “God can I please see it happen? Can I be there for that beautiful moment when He makes peace with you and makes you Lord over His life?” I didn’t get to see it in the flesh because I got way better than that. In late July I was at a church and the worship pastor said I feel like someone in here needs to just release. I knew that word was for me. I had released forgiveness but I had yet to release my dad to the Lord. I held the burden that I was going to lead him to the Lord and if I didn’t then I failed. That isn’t how it works. God does it all and I got the privilege to be a mouth peace for many years. I needed to have faith that God would do what He said He would do. As I stood in that church service I lifted my hands to God and surrendered my dad to the Lord. The Lord gave me a vision in that moment. It was very quick but very real. I can still see it if I shut my eyes. In the vision I saw my dad clothed in white and being lifted up to the Lord. It was that moment where I received the peace my heart had longed for. I knew my dad’s heart and I just wanted so bad for him to get out of the worries of the world that he was in. I see all of his heart and all of his gifts of the Lord. I had seen a man that was crushed by the world and didn’t know how to come back from the strong hand of the enemy being on him. But at that moment I could see that all of the other mess of the world didn’t matter because sooner or later daddy would make a choice whether I would see it or not, to believe in the Lord.
I write all of this because daddy was never able to give his testimony. He was never able to triumph over the enemy and allow the Lord to get all the glory in His life. Well God of course got the last laugh, as He always does, because the grip of sin isn’t on daddy any longer and he was taken up to be with Jesus on Tuesday October 24th, 2017. Not only does daddy’s death give God the glory, but everything leading up to that moment gives God the glory. Daddy might not have been able to see it all but I sure do. In Revelation 12:11 it says“ They triumphed over Him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of there testimony…” It didn’t say that they survived the grip of the enemy but triumphed! I wouldn’t be doing my daddy justice if I allowed the enemy to spend one extra second over His life. Daddy has finally triumphed over the enemy because of the blood of Jesus and now because of his testimony being told!
Praise God Most High for giving life, and life more abundantly! My dad forever gets to be in heaven all because of God’s faithfulness and a dog named America.
-love the mother of America and daughter of the Most High God
Learning to be the Light 